Photo: AP/Chris O'Meara
Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani talk at the same time while discussing immigration during the CNN/You Tube debate in St. Petersburg, Fla., Nov. 28.
What you missed while watching "Chad Vader"
Ron Paul's conspiracy theories! Fred Thompson's secret guns! Mitt Romney's rapid-fire "word of God"! And what Jesus would do.
By Michael Scherer
Read more: Republican Party, Rudy Giuliani, Gun Control, John McCain, Politics, CNN, News, Mike Huckabee, Fred Thompson, Michael Scherer, 2008 election, Mitt Romney, youtube, ron paul
Nov. 29, 2007 | 0 minutes. CNN's Anderson Cooper is looking especially dapper tonight. His suit and shirt collar make sharp triangle shapes with his silk tie, which is the color of wet cabernet grapes. His preternaturally white hair parts powerfully to the right, a series of straight lines betrayed by a single strand that falls a centimeter onto his forehead. No one is perfect. But tonight is not about the Coop, his hairdresser or his tailor. Tonight is about You. That's right, this is the Republican YouTube debate. You are the star. "All the questions tonight come from you," says the Coop. "You."
1 minute. But You must wait. A guy named Jim comes onto the stage to introduce a Florida governor named Charlie, who talks for a while, and then asks the candidates to walk out. California Rep. Duncan Hunter looks scared. Arizona Sen. John McCain gives the thumbs up. When former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson comes onstage, McCain shakes his hand. Then McCain shakes the hand of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Then former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney comes out. McCain does not extend his hand.
2 to 5 minutes. Horrible pain and agony. CNN is delaying the debate for photo ops again. CNN does not really care about You. Apparently, it cares about watching the candidates wave to the crowd like debutants on a parade float, while the Coop blathers a voice-over about what might happen once You get to ask your question.
6 minutes. The Coop introduces a video montage showing how crazy You are with all the crazy questions that You sent to YouTube. There are questions from animated aliens, a live-action snowman, Abe Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, the ghost of Richard Nixon, stuffed animals, real animals and even Dick Armey, a former congressman from Texas. Dick Armey! Hilarious.
8 minutes. Cooper lays out the rules. "No electric shocks. We prefer the honor system here," he says. This is followed by another video that features a song one of You wrote about all the candidates. The candidates appear to laugh at the song. But they would prefer the electric shocks.
10 minutes. Finally, we begin. The first question comes from a gruff Brooklyn guy talking into a webcam. He asks Giuliani if he will continue to "aid and abet" illegal aliens, like he did when he ran New York as a "sanctuary city." Giuliani says he never did run New York like a "sanctuary city." "If we didn't allow illegals to report crimes, a lot of criminals would have gone free because they're the ones who had the information," he says. At about this moment, CNN cuts to a shot of Chuck Norris sitting in the audience.
12 minutes. The Coop, apparently forgetting that "all the questions" come from You, asks Romney if New York was a "sanctuary city" under Giuliani. This makes Romney happy. "Absolutely," he says, adding that Giuliani once even welcomed illegal workers to the city. The crowd gives Romney applause.
13 minutes. Giuliani has a comeback. "There was a sanctuary mansion," he says, in reference to Romney's home, where a company that hired illegal immigrants once did work. "At his own home, illegal immigrants were being employed," the mayor says.
14 minutes. Romney looks disappointed. "Mayor, you know better than that," he says. Then he explains that it would be un-American if he had gone out and asked for papers from every employee at his house with "a funny accent." At this point, the civil dialogue falls apart. Giuliani accuses Romney of having a "holier-than-thou attitude." Romney says, "immigration is not holier-than-thou." Giuliani says, "holier than thou" again. The words stop meaning anything.
25 minutes. One of You, in another web video, asks former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee why he gave illegal aliens a discount for college in Arkansas. "We're not going to punish a child because the parent committed a crime," Huckabee responds, after pointing out that he merely supported merit-based scholarships for the children of illegal immigrants. "That's not what we typically do in this country."
28 minutes. Romney tries to take a piece out of Huckabee, calling him a "liberal" for wanting to give money to the children of illegal immigrants. "Mike, that's not your money. That's the taxpayers' money," he says. Huckabee responds by saying, "We are a better country than to punish children for what their parents did." Romney says that illegal children should not get benefits. The back and forth continues for a while.
30 minutes. The time for immigration squabbles comes to an end. Another one of You asks Texas Rep. Ron Paul if he agrees with some of his supporters, who believe that the Council on Foreign Relations is a conspiracy and that there is a secret plan to merge the nation with Canada and Mexico. "It's not so much as a sinister conspiracy," Paul says. "If we look for it, you'll realize that our national sovereignty is under threat." Indeed.
35 minutes. On a question about reducing the national debt, Giuliani says that President Bush should cut the budget of all civilian agencies by 5 to 10 percent. "We should commit not to rehire half of the civilian employees that will retire in the next 10 years," he says. So much for getting passports renewed, court cases heard or children's toys inspected.
40 minutes. McCain gets a question about the FairTax, which McCain does not support. So he turns on Paul, who is polling near double digits in New Hampshire -- likely McCain's make-or-break state in the race. "I've heard him now in many debates talk about bringing our troops home, and about the war in Iraq and how it's failed," McCain says. "And I want to tell you that that kind of isolationism, sir, is what caused World War II." The crowd goes nuts with cheers and boos. McCain has just called Paul a Nazi-appeaser. Paul responds by explaining that non-intervention is not the same as isolationism. The two men do not resolve their differences.
45 minutes. In another web video, You ask a question about farm subsidies, but the answers are pretty safe and boring. So the Coop says, "Since we're on fiscal matters, I would be remiss if I didn't ask this question." Then the Coop recounts a recent article by the Politico detailing the odd way the Giuliani administration billed for his security detail when the former mayor visited his paramour outside New York City. "I had nothing to do with the handling of their records," Giuliani says of his security expenses. "And they were handled, as far as I know, perfectly appropriately."
58 minutes. Another video from You. This time it's a guy firing his gun into a hill. Then someone throws him a shotgun and he cocks it. "What is your opinion of gun control?" he asks. Hunter, who is a hunter, chastises the man for throwing the gun. "You have to be safe with guns," he says to the prerecorded man on the screen.
